i guess i'm back..but i still have to customize this. (hopefully!)

i'm happy.. really happy right now..=) he doesn't even know he's the reason..haha.=)

*** random thoughts @ 5:41 PM

Saturday, May 30, 2009

a week before school officially starts, i decided to 'revive' my blogsite (not yet finished, lazy me..*wink*) and my multiply account, i even forgot that i had one before, so i have to go through all that 'forgot-your-password?' stuff.. my main reason was that i want to have a backup for my pictures in case my computer decides to commit suicide.. =) but then i saw my friends and so i decided to maintain that account.. so i'm trying to make up for the three (or more) years that i have ignored my blogsite and my mulitiply.. (i think i have a facebook account too..haha, but i can't remember) i hope i could do that..hehe..=)

*** random thoughts @ 3:58 PM

Thursday, May 28, 2009

whew... i can't sleep, i took pictures, watched tv, surfed the net..still i can't go to sleep..or maybe i just don't want to..something's bugging me and i kept on ignoring it. stupid.. i think i'm missing someone, and yes, he's missing me too (or that's what he said anyway). but that's not the reason why i can't sleep.

this is crap. i think something bad is gonna happen because i'm anxious right now and it's not likely for me to be like that. i'm usually the optimistic kind of person, but this is not one of those moments. i'm supposed to talk about serious stuff here, man, i just don't know what's happening. pardon my negativity. ok, i'll hit my sleep button after this. whew.

*** random thoughts @ 2:11 AM

Tuesday, May 26, 2009

i just remembered. today was our 'clearance' day and i was waaayy too lazy to go to manila..hahaha! well, partly because i am a little scared to find out whatever is written on that piece of paper..so i'll just go next week..=) hmmm, i think a lot has happened to me ever since my last post which was (almost) 3 years ago..i was an incoming law student that time and now, i can't believe that i'm, still in law school (sigh of relief)..=) it wasn't really part of my plan (or whatever), because all i ever wanted was to travel and enjoy life, but i am not yet ready for a job, so that's the reason why i went to lawschool (para naman hindi ako maging bum sa bahay), but i never expected that time could 'fly' that fast.. wow.. cliche huh?

*** random thoughts @ 8:10 PM

my sister finally came home from china, yipee!

i missed the time when i was the one who experienced that 'root-seeking' thing sponsored by lucio tan (i think i was only12 years old back then!) it was fun and i met a lot of friends..but the sad thing is we haven't seen each other after that..=( anyway, back to my sister, she bought new cd's!! yipee!!=) we both love music, and i know i influenced her (in a way) on the kind of music that she listens to..=) wow, all this talk makes no sense, maybe because i'm not used to blogging anymore, and whose fault is that? mine.hehe..

*** random thoughts @ 7:49 PM

Saturday, May 23, 2009

i still have to 'edit' my page..sorry for the inconvenience..=)

*** random thoughts @ 4:50 PM

hello? anybody STILL there? wow, almost 3 years? wheew, i even forgot my password and i had to go through all the 'forgot-your-password?' stuff. hopefully i could update this more often..=) i still have to find my long-lost-blog-buddies..=)

*** random thoughts @ 4:40 PM

Sunday, September 03, 2006

what are words? i mean, really? what are words after all? nothing but letters which man has injected meanings to, right?

Right, right. What are words after all? I wish i could take that with a straight face and a clowny smile. And then reality stabs you.

and you're suddenly breathed into a place wherein you're not supposed to be (even if its just a few steps away). did what you were not supposed to do, and worst, read what you were not, in a million fucking years, supposed to read?

forgive me, but i just had that and i think i'm gonna puke. I just had that moment, a moment i wish i could take back. i should have just sticked my butt into the chair instead of finding something to tie my hair up with. the results were not so good after all. Especially when you have in your possession something that you know you couldn't resist looking at, or in this case, reading. Bad move.

I tried to knock some sense into it actually, thinking that maybe, i'm just way overboard, paranoid, delusional, or just plain stupid. what could i do? I've read the WHOLE f***ing thing. And it hurt.

It hurt like crazy. That sort of pain that cannot be subdued with morphine? That kind of pain that rips you apart? A heart, body and soul-wrenching pain? It made me feel useless; an outsider looking in. Like i'm just some sort of lint in the air or a speck of dust. Hell, they could have been luckier. Pathetic. I was begging for rationality to absorb me. It failed.

Words are useless unless you put meaning into it, but sometimes, there are certain things that smack you right in front of your face and i'm too stupid to even feel it, more or less see it coming. Or maybe just numb. Or worst, dumb.

Meanings would come out of words depending on its structure. In short, structuralism played a big damn role why i'm feeling this way. The way someone writes to you has an embedded meaning attached (no matter how peculiar) to each and every word it includes. What i've learned tonight or rather, this early in the morning was probably the most hurtful thing so far. Honestly, i don't know what to feel or how to feel for that matter. I want to scream and shout and yet it all comes boiling into paper. I write.

I f***ing write when the cause of all this misery is also produced by pen & paper. Produced by words and letters which (as far as i can remember) was my ally --- but has now become a foe. And still, writing is my remedy.

Words really are double-edged swords.Too bad the stakes are inside my heart now. It has finally betrayed me.

*** random thoughts @ 4:05 PM

Saturday, June 10, 2006

i hate studying.. and that's just an understatement..so remind me again why i would be starting law school next week (oh, my is it really that SOON?).. why? uughh.. if i knew the answer then i wouldn't be asking it now.. me? as in me who can't-care-less-about-academics-me? has the world gone mad? still, this so-called law school is just a trial phase for me.. i know, i have the world's greatest parents bacause they agreed that if i tried and didn't like law school, then they won't force me to continue anyway.. how i love them..! but still, next week..? and i still don't have my uniform, my schedule and my section.. great, just great..

*** random thoughts @ 6:44 PM